The President Is Coming- #NamasteTrump

February 24, 2020

 

 

Dear Mr Trump,

A warm welcome to our beloved city of Ahmedabad. As a responsible citizen I believe that it’s both a duty and my honour to brief you on the city and its idiosyncrasies. Its great that you will be inaugurating the world’s largest cricket stadium at Motera and we do look forward to it. Since the day the announcement was made of your trip, you have been the talk of the town. Have heard so many rumours of your grandeur that I have reached a saturation point.  You know like that he has his own private pool in his airplane or that he carries nuclear launch codes to the loo too.

 

Out here in Ahmedabad like most cities in India, we let our imagination run wild quite literally even on the roads. You see Mr President, I will commit the sin of deviating from western ideas of traffic and road safety. Out here a road is truly what you think it is. You think it’s a U-turn, go ahead. You think a junction is a roundabout, have it your way. Midway on the road you change your mind and want to go against the flow of traffic, feel free. We are free citizens of this great democracy therefore masters of our destiny. You know as they say, it’s the journey that counts and not the destination. To which most of us given a choice to make the journey more miserable for others, would go like hell yeah! Bring it On.

 

I have come to know that you ae getting your famed ‘The Beast’ car for your roadshow. Well it sure does look gorgeous and your government has spent millions to ramp up the car’s security features however let me warn you in case you do happen to come across a cow, the protocol is quite simple. You pull down the brakes, a few metres away and respectfully allow it to pass by. No questions asked. I am sure the Secret Service would have never envisioned potential cow encounters.

 

By the way Mr President, I have heard that you carry along a fridge filled with your own blood type in your car. Reminds me of Count Dracula, of course not in that sense. I am sure you understand.

 

In anticipation of your arrival the city is filled with hoardings on every nook and corner of your bromance with Prime Minister Modi. Roads leading to the venue have been upgraded so you don’t have to face any bumps. If you don’t mind, I would appeal to you to pass by my office too. There are a few bumpy patches I encounter on a daily basis which could definitely be worked upon.

 

Let me be honest out here, though this event is very high profile, I would personally prefer if Putin had come. You see I am a bit found of action movies. While your speeches might have influenced the masses, Putin is the kind of guy deep within you know can pull of a stunt like rip apart a bear with his own hands on stage or so the rumours say. He is like the Tiger Shroff of Russia sans the hair.

 

Though I am sure your visit will inspire many such future events. Totally looking forward to events such as ‘Make Gondal Great Again!’ in Gujarat.

 

It's been published that ahead of your next tour at Agra, local authorities have provided few langurs as part of security to prevent any monkey attacks. I guess that’s the endearing thing about families, they protect their own.
We are gearing up towards becoming a five trillion-dollar economy and the business community is looking forward to trade deals between both countries.

 

Wish you a pleasant stay in India and hope you the experience the best of Indian hospitality in your maiden trip.

Yours sincerely,
Rahul Batra

 

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